Tuesday, 21 April 2015

Despite This Despite That

April 23 marks one year.

I've been thinking a lot the past few days about who'd I be if I hadn't made the choices I did. I've been at the University of Regina for over two years now and I can't imagine where else I'd be if I had not chose this program and this city. As much as I need a ton of self-improvement and change, I am so glad I decided I needed to come here - despite being the most expensive business program in Canada, despite being one of the most expensive cities, despite being furthest away from home... so many despite's...

It honestly makes me sad thinking about how much less I'd have. But the most influential thing that I have in my life that I've never had before is ultimately one thing, and one thing only. A powerful thing that, despite no matter how much I push it away, I don't think I will ever get rid of it. Even when I try so hard.

I think about the friends I made here. Never in my entire life have I had friends who genuinely have told me that they appreciate me, care for me, think I'm funny, smart, crazy, beautiful... and that they love me. Love me! I'm twenty years old and never felt so loved in my life by friends. It's absolutely baffling thinking about how much community there is and what I wouldn't have if I had chosen someplace else.

I think about how I met my closest friends. If it wasn't for the simple choice to go to a Young Adults night at FBC, or the complexity of "if I hadn't sat there, I wouldn't have talked to her". The 'what if's' can be pretty scary if you think about them too hard. And I am so grateful.

Grateful. Blessed. Thankful. There are no words. Because the more I think about these things the past few days, the more I know in my heart that there is no possible way that these things could have all happened. The ideaology of "it was meant to be" is just as true as me winning the million dollar lottery at the exact hour I chose to buy a ticket. Without God, without His plan, without His mercy, I wouldn't have been given any of these gifts. I wouldn't be surrounded by His grace. So much grace.

I think about the events I've been to, the things I've accomplished, how much fun I've had, how much smiling I've done.

And despite the hopelessness in the world, with Christ and the Kingdom of God - anything is possible.

April 23. It was a gloomy, rainy Easter Sunday in 2014. Evening came and I accepted Christ at a friend's house as my God, my savior...

Then morning came... my hope.

Who I'd be today without Him?

Tuesday, 7 April 2015

My Will

I could be in a room filled with emptiness
No family, no friends to see
Be blind, deaf, and have no ability to speak
Isolated in complete darkness with cold feet
But I will still seek you out willingly

I could be thrown in a house full of flames
No one to help, no one to save
Be beaten, whipped, and taken as slave
Hidden from the world with swollen fate
But I will still shout your name desperately

I could have the riches of the earth
All the gold, all the precious stones
Have entire joy, love, and peace by all
Lifted by the people of the world so tall
But I will still give you praise entirely

This is my will I give to you
I will always follow you