Monday, 9 March 2015

25 Things that Make Me Weird Part II

Since the last "25 Things that Make me Weird" went pretty successful last year, I thought I'd make you a part II. You're welcome. I hope we're able to become closer friends now that you know much more about me... weirdness and all. I apologize in advance if there is any repetition from Part I. I guess if there is, then that thing must be a significant weird thing about me. Enjoy.

In no particular order.

1. I have a severe case of movie-theatre-bathroom anxiety. For all those who do not suffer from this awfulness (which is likely all of you) allow me to briefly explain. I am the worst person to take to the movies. Not just because I'm your typical commentator throughout but because I will make you hold my popcorn while I go relieve my bladder... about six times before the trailers even begin. Sometimes more.

2. I am absolutely, completely 100%, totally in LOVE... with the smell of gasoline. Pumping gas is the favoritest (it's a word now) thing in the world. Whoever said you can't fall in love in 5 minutes has never had the luxurious opportunity to allow these magical fumes consume every inch of your likely-already-dead-brain-cells. It's magnificent.

3. I shake my legs off before I step out of the shower. That's all I have to say about that.

4. One of my greatest accomplishments in life is being able to open a can of "coke" with my teeth. I discovered this secret talent at a grad party... I'm sure of it.

5. I also love potato chips in my sandwiches. I'm pretty sure I discovered this at the same grad party... Take note: best invention ever. And party ever.

6. I absolutely hate asking for help to find something in a store. I will circle the aisle 67 times before I'll admit to the worker that I wasn't actually "just browsing, thanks". 

7. I don't have a problem telling my friends I love them every minute of every day but I find it alot harder to say it to my family. Perhaps because there isn't a word strong enough for them :)

8. I have a huge fear of fish. My roommate's pet fish had committed suicide last year but I'm pretty sure it jumped out in an attempt to kill me. No other reason seems logical.

9. I can't stand the word "whatever". I cringe more than any other curse word (known and/or made up) and get offended easily if I hear someone say it. With that being said, I will throw the occasional 'whatever' in replacement of the F Bomb if I'm particularly upset with ya.

10. I will likely talk more to your dog than I will with you if I'm visiting your home. Especially in awkward situations. That anti-social weirdo playing with your dog in the corner while everyone is cheering on a keg stand? ... that would be me

11. I'm fairly convinced the dentist thinks I'm a goon. The hygienists need to put extra paper bibs all around my face because something about hands being in my mouth makes me drool uncontrollably.

12. I cannot hold a pencil properly. Never could, never will. I pretty much need four of my fingers to get a sentence accomplished.

13. I have pretended to have a coughing attack just so I could turn my head and look at who is standing behind me. On several occasions.

14. I'm twenty years old and I still check behind a closed shower curtain before I go to the bathroom.

15. 90% of the time, I do the "Fake-A-Make-A-Bed" if I have company coming over. My sister, Harmony knows exactly what this is. And if you don't... well I won't call you a liar. Also, you likely never grew up with a nazi mother who did bed checks before school started. (Sorry mom, you're not a nazi. Just your cleaning OCD side is ;) loooove you).
[P.S. Harmony do you remember the old faithful endust "febreeze" version of dusting? HAHAHA awh man, the memories. Once mom smelled that lemon scented toxin she just HAD to believe that everything was dusted to par. Also, we're the laziest people in the world.]

16. My Christian music on my ipod sits within a scrolls length away from the most hardcore explicit rap music your ears will ever bleed to.

17. When I'm in a restaurant and I see the waiter/waitress coming with our food, I will avoid eye contact and pretend I didn't see them at all costs. I have no idea why. It makes things more awkward for both of us. Especially my "surprised face" when it arrives... as if I wasn't expecting food to be arriving at all.

18. Back at my childhood home, I still close my eyes until I am able to reach the light switch to turn them on. The monsters disappear when the lights are on, okay? Let's just be real here.

19. Despite doing laundry with a common working washing machine for years now, I still freeze in the moment of time during the last spin cycle. Just in case it's actually an earthquake and an airplane about to crash in my house simultaneously this time. You never know these days...

20. Whenever something falls in my closet in the middle of the night, I automatically think about what my obituary would read.

21. If my debit/credit card gets declined for whatever reason in a store, I start talking to the machine as if that would break the awkwardness between me and the cashier. "What the heck? Why aren't you working? Swipe? Chip error? K. Umm... *pushes twenty buttons at once* I don't know what's happening?" *sweats perversely*

22. I feel a huge urge to take off any rings I'm wearing before I'm about to eat something. As if it's going to spontaneously slip right off and lodge right into the back of my throat.

23. When a prof asks a question and the class is completely silent, I put my face two inches away from my paper and write jibber-ish notes at 110 miles per hour so it looks like I'm way too tensed up to be thinking about the question... even if I know the answer.

Example of these writings: "Today I saw a cat and I thought and said and told myself wow meow meow meow there's a cat. Also I'm scared of cats. Don't make eye contact. Don't pick me... don't pick me.. I drove to school today. What's the date today. Cats cats. Barking up the wrong tree. Oh thank God, someone finally answered the question. Talk to you later looseleaf. Good chat."

24. During a midterm exams, my stomach makes it a tradition to growl so loud that people turn around to look at me. I always think I'm being sneaky and go to look behind me to make it look like it was the person sitting behind me's stomach and not mine. Well, too bad I always manage to sit in the very back row. Talk about awkward! Who knew walls had stomachs!

25. Whenever I'm in an elevator with lots of people, I all of a sudden lose all ability to breathe. Heaven forbid the people around me notice I'm breathing...

Well there you go. All of these make up the awko taco me. Hopefully you all can relate, and if not, at least got a little bit of a chuckle and "Thank God I'm not friends with her".

Leave a comment if your breathing from your mouth right now too.

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