Monday, 10 October 2011

Anticipating Anxiety

I haven't wrote in awhile so I thought I'd catch up with my own life by writing what I've been up to.Haha, go figure. This will be boring to everyone else, I can assure.

This last month has been crazy hectic. I've been stressing over alot of things: volleyball, homework, friends, school, and other little things that annoy and bother me on a daily basis. It's weird for me because I'd consider myself a pretty easy going, "everything will get done in time" patient type of person. But lately, I find myself going crazy! 

Volleyball. As much as I hate myself for admitting this, but I'm already sick of the sport and the commitment that comes with it. I honestly dread going to practices, league and tournaments. Sometimes I wonder why I even play and not just up and quit right now. I suppose for a number of reasons, but the main one being; I'm scared I'll regret it. I know that in ten or twenty years for now, I won't remember if we won that game or lost that tournament or not... what I'll remember is what Sam said at the supper table, or the hilarious comments said in the changeroom targeted at Rookie. It'll be a positive memory to look upon, that's a for sure. 
But still -
I cannot help but to imagine the time I would have to think about who I am or how I would have a weekend to actually have some rest & relaxation and just enjoy myself.Also, the guilt I have when I'm not home to help and be with my mom. It's hard doing something you hate doing. I have to ask myself, Why did I put myself in this position to begin with?

Homework. No comment. "It's not due until tomorrow at 1:00. I can do it at recess... at 12:55." :/

Something else that's been a circus in itself, is friends. I've been hanging around a select few and often spend my free time with them. Depending who I'm with, they either make me feel uncomfortable and feeling like I need to leave...RIGHT NOW. Or there'd be the odd 2-3 friends who actually accept my self strangeness - where I can actually feel comfortable being myself around them. I tried to surround myself with these people but sometimes, well sometimes I don't feel up to it or when I do, I just feel like I can't embrace the moment and enjoy it. It's something dumb about me, I know...

School has been so stressful. I can honestly say I absolutely, positively hate ALL of the courses I'm taking. To make this short and sweet here's why...

Bio: I'd rather knock myself into a coma then to just try and be interested in it.
Physics: When am I ever going to use Sin theta = mc triangle thingy T. or in other words: 我討厭物理
Math: self explanatory. no further comment.
History: nothing changes and I still don't know how an assassination led to WWI
Sewing: shoot me in the face.
Phys ed: ....................................why.

There's a whole lot of other things going on and I definitely need to have a better attitude about all of it. I just don't know where to start.

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