Sunday, 16 October 2011

Putting a Mad Woman Asleep

Controlling frustration. Wow, am I having a hard time doing this lately. I get to the point where I become so angry and impatient with things I can't even handle the way I think and react. For the most part, I'm able to keep my outbursts, freakouts, meltdowns, etc inside, but it's when I'm alone that I need things to change. When I'm alone, I bring out all these crazy emotions that I don't know how to control. When I'm alone, I become someone I don't even know. I just feel awful about myself and the way things are. I honestly do not know how to be in control when I get into that state of mind. The problem with me is, I'll vent with someone all I can and want, talk about my problems all I can and want, write, walk, run, whatever - but it still doesn't make all the anger away.

What am I so frustrated about? There's a list of things. I can't just pinpoint it to one thing, person or issue. I guess what I've learned from all this, is that I cannot go around blaming the world for my problems. I am my own problem. It's me. No other person, place or thing. But I have... no MUST... remember that I'm also my own solution (thanks Megan, from Bridesmaids :) ) I think what I need to do, is say that over and over in my mind. Maybe then I'll believe it. "I am my own solution" ... "I am my own solution."

I'm starting to feel a little more optimistic about the way things are going right now. I still have a few things to check off of my 'do this a healthy way' list but that's okay. Not everything is going to happen overnight. When an issue comes up, I have to deal with it right away. No more, "whatever, I'll do with it later" type of attitude is going to be coming out of me. I have to start trying, start caring, start dealing with reality instead of ignoring and pretending it isn't here.

People are going to judge. People are going to bash decisions being made. There are going to be things I don't want to do or deal with. There are going to be places I don't want to go - but changing my attitude towards these situations will hopefully change the way I view myself and lifestyle. Because I CAN keep going. And I will.

Question of the day: How do you release frustration and anger ?


Anonymous said...

you got it right! good your staying positive and i like yourr eference to bridesmaids so funny but true you are your own solution! way to go!

Tara said...

Hi Haley, cousin Tara here. Just checking out your new blog for the first time. I like it! But, I liked your other one too. I vent my frustration by talking/venting to my mom. She listens and then I feel better. Or, if I'm really frustrated, I scream really loud in my car when I'm driving alone. That can help too. seriously...I do that sometimes. And off topic, I wish I had a Bazinga t-shirt. :)