Addicted to Excuses

Addiction.

I believe everyone has one. I have many, no – truck loads. Some are healthy, most can be argued, but the majority is a heaving pile of pure unhealthy addiction. And I can’t blame anyone or anything for having them. They are all excuses, and I know it. My mind works like this: “I need. I need. I need.” *does it* “Better.” *moments later* “I need. I need. I need.” From now on, every time I type the word Addiction, I’m going to backspace and write in Excuse instead – even if it doesn’t make any sense at all.

I have food Excuses. I love chocolate. Coke is a definite daily necessity. Milk and oreos is a big weakness. Good mood? Food. Bad mood? Food.I’ve actually caught myself a couple of times stuffing my face with chips or popcorn while watching “The Biggest Loser”… which is pretty bad.

I have internet Excuses. Just going to check facebook for five minute really means an hour. Youtube is my best friend. Good mood? Youtube. Bad mood? Youtube. Google is the central part of my brain. Gmail, blog, Wikipedia, twitter. Check, check, check and check it again. Repeat.
Even music is my Excuse. I listen to music on the bus, school, studying, and yes, even when I shower. Hahaha, it’s the only place where I sing. Some people might debate that music isn’t an addiction, but I can fully admit that what I listen to is dark, deep and depressing. To the people who don’t understand that and maybe this will even confuse you more, but “my” genre of music makes me feel better. I have an idea why but it’s unexplainable and isn’t worth the attempt. Good mood? Depressing music. Bad mood? Depressing music.

I have so many other addictions/excuses that I’ve given up trying to avoid them anymore. They exist and I’m open about it. Well… most of them anyway. I’ve realized that all these things are just to “hide” what I’m actually feeling. They are excuses because I know I can change, but I refuse to. Intentionally. Why? Because changing means to require energy. Perhaps this is just another excuse in itself when I say this, but I’ve been buried in all these “addictions” for so long that I’ve developed an attitude of “meh, I DON’T CARE.”
 Good mood? I don’t talk about it. Bad mood? I don’t talk about it.

My thinking of “Addiction is so much better then facing problems. So why change? It always feels better in the end.” is the biggest lie I’ve been telling myself for too long.

Recovery is my future.

What’s your biggest addiction?

P.S. Click on Video/Song of the week on the side bar. It’s a gooder. :)